It
seemed to me that I might fall down...
It was the darkest night I have ever seen. ..
Everything around me was so silent that I kept
hearing my own heartbeats…
It was a bit odd … Everything was not normal …
I was sitting alone in the balcony-railing. I was alone in my apartment on 24th
floor of the Skyscraper situated in the heart of Kolkata. I looked at my feet.
The empty road, which was almost 100 meter underneath, seemed very near to me.
As if just one step farther and I might reach it.
I was alone but I sensed someone beside me. I
sensed Manisha, I smelled her, I sensed her touch, the way she used to play
with my hair, the way we touched each other, the way she came closer to me…
Manisha… All I could think about were her eyes,
the scent of her and the curses!! .. The curses she scattered over my life, the
curses I tried to wipe off every day. The memories I tried to forget, haunted
me every day. The more I pushed Manisha off from me, the more she came nearer.
* * *
The
day I first met her was about one year ago. I was coming out of a shopping mall
and she was standing near a taxi. May be she boarded that taxi later or she
came to the mall by it, all I can remember was that she was smiling at me. I
was surprised because it was not a regular thing. I am not that good looking
that every day one or two beautiful girls smile at me. So I was rather amazed.
Manisha wore a green salwar; she smiled at me while adjusting her ‘dupatta’. I
kept staring at her. It was not her beauty that attracted me but her eyes. Her
eyes told me about her. It kept saying her stories to me.
Her eyes were like of a scared fawn. It seemed
to me that the world would not let her to survive. It seemed to me that she
wanted to escape, escape from the known world. It seemed to me that she was
searching for a place to hide; she wanted to hide inside me. I kept remembering
her eyes long after I left the place. I kept dreaming of her eyes long after
the night was gone. She kept haunting my every night’s sleep and one day it
seemed to me that I needed her.
We met again in the same place after five or
six days. I was struggling with my shopping bag when she approached and asked
me,
“May I help you?”
“No, Thanks anyway”, I said to her. I was not
ready to take help from a lady.
“But it’s too heavy”. She insisted.
“Life is a struggle, isn’t it?” I tried to be smart before her.
She smiled and said to me, “Yes, it is. But
that does not mean you’ll not take help”. I became amazed again. She was
smarter.
I gave up; we both held my bag to carry it
towards my car. My driver Abdul came out of the car and we handed over the bags
to him.
“Where do you live?” She asked.
“Why?” I was sceptical.
She smiled again but didn’t answer.
“Where do YOU live?” I threw the same question at
her.
“Do you want to come or do you want to invite
me to come?” She glared at me.
I was not sure about what to say. I just stared
at her eyes, those beautiful eyes.
“Come; let’s have a cup of coffee”. She
replied.
I opened the car door for her and asked Abdul
to drive us to a nearby coffee-shop.
The next hour we spent in a Café Coffee Day
shop. It was a summer day. Many couples gathered there to have coffee or to
spend some time together. Many of them were looking at us because probably we
didn’t look like a couple. It was vividly clear to them that I was not feeling
cosy with her. May be it was her beauty or her eyes that distracted me from my
coffee. I was looking at her when she was busy with her Cappuccino.
She knew that I was looking at her. She finished
her cup and calmly said to me,
“Haven’t you been with a lady before?”
“Why?” I asked.
“You don’t know how to behave properly.” She
smiled.
I was stammering. I didn’t know what to say. I
just couldn’t speak before her beautiful eyes. They dragged me towards them.
Every time I intended to tell her something, her eyes shut me up.
We met regularly after that day. I just kept
staring at her and she did all the talking. Every day it seemed to me that I’d
not survive without her.
“So! What do you do actually?” She asked me one
day.
I was not sure of the answer. As a businessman
I should have something to do but actually I had no work. My partner was busy
doing all the works while I enjoyed the profit share only.
“I don’t do anything.”
She stared at me for a few moments and finally
replied.
”You should do something then”.
I regretted for not doing anything, I regretted
telling that to her.
“Actually I have nothing to do. All I can do is
just relax or be with you.”
She smiled again but this time she didn’t say
anything.
* * *
From that day on I always
thought about doing something but couldn’t find one. I thought of doing
something to impress her but I actually got no chance.
I called my partner Jayanta. Affectionately
they called him Johnny. Jayanta was a gentleman from top to bottom, ladies
liked him and he used to like ladies surrounding him. I was kind of jealous
with him because I was totally opposite. He was smart, a cigarette was there
always on his lips and it kept swinging on them so brilliantly while talking
that I always kept looking at his lips and the ladies surrounding him used to
ask,
“Johnny Johnny! Eating sugar?”
“No papa!” he replied and they burst out
laughing after that leaving me looking like an idiot with no sense of humour.
I called Johnny.
“Hello Partner!! Where have you been
now-a-days?”
“Listen! I have something to tell you”. I went
straight into business.
“Whoa!! Whoa!!
Ok. Let me think! You want to tell something. What it could be?”
“Listen Jayanta. I need some work here.” I
never called him Johnny, I never liked that name.
“Work... U said work?? Ha-ha!! Are you serious
buddy?”
“Yes I am. No matter what you think I am coming
office today and I want to do something.”
“Listen buddy!” He sounded serious. ”You don’t
need to come. We will have a working lunch together and we will discuss about
recent performance there. I am doing my work here and you just keep faith on
me. You don’t need to worry about anything. Are you listening? Hello! Are you
there?”
“Yes! I am here Jayanta and I will think about
it.” I ended the conversation.
* * *
I reached my office at about 2 o’clock in the
afternoon. Some of the security guards and senior employees still recognised me
and wished me a good day. I went straight to the office of my partner. The door
was open and I entered straight into the room.
He was sitting in the chair, facing the window
behind his table.
I waited for sometimes hoping that he would
turn around but he showed no sign of it. So I began talking.
“Listen Jayanta! From now on I will be looking
after the business. You may come to office or take rest at home, it doesn’t
bother me. But I want the same status as yours in office and that’s final!”
Still he was looking at the window as if he was
ignoring me.
“Are you listening to me? ARE YOU??
MR.JOHNNY!!??” I shouted at the full pitch of my voice.
I went in front of him. His eyes were wide open
but he was looking at nothing. I touched her face, it was stiff. I looked at
his tie, the pink tie, that was imported from England and that I envied many
times, it was fastened around his throat and that was what caused the death.
The death of my partner, it was the end of Johnny!
The tie was still in my hand and I was feeling
weak in my knees. Suddenly I looked at the door and saw one employee was
looking at me with disbelief in his eyes. I just kept saying, “No! No!” and I
ran towards him. He sprang out of the door and when I came out I couldn’t find
him. I ran like a mad man out of the office without wasting anytime.
Five minutes ago I was a non-working head of a
business and now I became a prime suspect of the murder of my partner. Life
changes so fast that we sometimes cannot cope up with it.
* * *
I was confused. Should I go to
police and tell them that I didn’t do it? Or may be hiding was a better option,
though I didn’t know which one was a better solution. The only person I could
think about was Manisha. I was sitting alone in a bench facing the setting sun
in a park when somebody touched me from behind. It was Manisha.
“Hey!! I was just thinking about you.” I
exclaimed.
“I know.” And she smiled, I looked at her
smiling face and it seemed to me all the problems were solved. A strange
feeling of peace loomed over my body. It was beautiful.
“Manisha! Jayanta has been murdered and they
suspect it was me who did it.”
“But you didn’t do it.” She sounded unusually
calm.
“How could I? He was my partner.”
“A partner,” She paused a bit,” a partner who
made you looking like an idiot before the world. A partner, whom you always
obeyed and who gave you nothing in return, you call him a partner? ” She
sounded unfamiliar to me.
“I ... I
don’t understand.”
“I killed him.” She told in an icy voice.
“You??? How???? I mean why????” I was nearly
shouting.
“It’s very easy to kill those men who fall for
beautiful women. I pretended to kiss him and when he got closer I strangled him
with his own tie.” She touched my hand.
“Why did you do it Manisha?” I was clueless.
“It’s for your dear. It’s for your own sake. He
had to die.”
“You did it for me?” I started loving her again
and I started falling for her in a new way.
She smiled at me and said. “You know better.”
“But the police will be after me and I cannot
tell them your name. What should I do Manisha?”
She thought for a while.
“Is there someone who can act as your witness?”
“Witness???”
“Let them arrest you dear and when the case
will be taken to court, your witness will make a statement that you were with
him or her.”
“Does that work? Are you sure?”
“Do you believe in me or not?” She looked into
my eyes and I had no reason to contradict her.
“Maybe Madhu would be a witness.”
“Who is Madhu?”
I told her about Madhu. Madhu was my wife. At
least that was the definition of the relation we had in government records. At
the first night of our marriage she confessed to me about having a relation
with another man and the next morning she went to him leaving me without any
clue about who he was and where they lived. As I didn’t say anything for what
she did, she presumed me as a good man and left her personal mobile number in
my notebook. I never tried to contact her after that.
“Call her and ask her to be your witness. I
think she is grateful to you and it wouldn’t be a problem.” Manisha said.
“May be. But I am not sure. I don’t want to see
her again.”
“Why?”
“Actually… I cannot forgive her for what she
did to me and I cannot punish her too. I think she doesn’t suit me.”
Manisha smiled at me and stood up.
“Call her, just know where she lives and meet
with her.” She smiled.
“I will.”
She turned back and touched my face and said.
“You know dear, I have a different approach to
these problems.”
I looked at her eyes; she looked mysterious
before the setting sun.
“If something does not suit you, kill it.”
* * *
I called Madhu from a public
telephone booth.
“Hey!! What’s up?? ” She sounded quite normal.
As if nothing ever happened in between us. I remained silent so she asked
again.
“Hello! Where have you been now-a-days? I
called you someday before but you didn’t answer?”
“I am in problem Madhu.” I paused a bit. “Grave
problem,” I repeated.
“Why? What happened?” She sounded unnecessarily
caring. I knew she didn’t care for me, why would she?
“We need to talk Madhu. Can I get your
address?”
“Oh! Sure. Write down it. Oh! And please come
and leave before eleven. My hubby is very possessive and he doesn’t like men
around me.” She laughed at her own joke, I could hear it.
Hubby!! I laughed too. He was the one who once trespassed
in my life and now I became stranger in their lives. I laughed again. Life
changes so fast that we sometimes cannot cope up with it.
When I reached Madhu’s home, it was nearly evening.
It was a beautiful bungalow with decorated garden in front of it. The moment I
stepped on the carefully mowed lawn, I felt like exploring around the house. I
went to the backyards of it.
There was a swimming pool behind the bungalow.
I saw something floating in the water; I went closer to get a better view of
it. What I found was totally shocking to me, it was body of a lady and blood
was dripping from it into the water. My sixth sense told me that it might be
none other than Madhu. I jumped into the water and dragged the dead body out of
the water. A carving fork was stuck in her throat. The scene was horrifying. I
immediately left the place, got into my car and asked Abdul to take me home. He
was surprised and was constantly looking at me as I was panting, my face had
turned pale and my apparels were wet totally.
I knew who did this.
“Do you know where Manisha madam lives?” I
asked Abdul.
Abdul looked at me bluntly and finally managed
to ask,
“Sorry Sir? “
“Manisha ma’am.” Pitch of my voice was a little
bit up.
Abdul looked confused. He asked again, “Sorry
sir but I can’t remember her. Have I seen her lately?”
“Abdul!! Are you joking with me? You have seen
her many times. Actually she was with me last night also. You cannot remember
her?”
Abdul looked at me strangely and said
“Sir. As far as I know, nobody visited you in
last three or four months.”
I felt like killing him.
“Abdul! Get out of my sight or I might kill
you.” I shouted.
Abdul stopped the car. I came out of it, opened
the driver’s door and said,
“Get out of the car.” I said in a cold voice.
Abdul promptly jumped out of it.
I sat in the driver seat and drove it away. When
I reached home it was nearly twelve at night.
‘I should call her’ I said to myself, ‘why is
she doing like that? What’s her motto?’
I took out my mobile but to my surprise her
number was not there. I searched my address book; there was no entry in the
name of Manisha. In the next half an hour I searched my desk, my diary, my
office documents, I searched every corner of the house but I didn’t find
anything related to her, even any paper with a name Manisha scratched on it. I
didn’t find anything.
‘Where is she?’ I felt like crying.
I felt like shouting in the dark
‘M-A-N-I-S-H-A’.
I felt like a lost child.
Suddenly I was horrified by the silence. Nobody
was there, I was totally alone. It seemed to me that I was drowning in the
dark. It seemed to me like I was dying.
I found the TV remote lying in the floor, I
switched it on.
Voices of living men assured me of my life. I
sighed.
Breaking news was being telecasted there. Ex-husband killed woman.
I came out in the balcony and sat on the
railings.
It was the darkest night I have ever seen.
I was alone but I sensed someone beside me. I
smelled her.
It was Manisha, she was smiling at me.
“Why did you do all these?”
“I love you.” Manisha said with her eyes
closed.
I cried. She hugged me. I tried to push her off
but she came nearer and I lost control over myself.
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